Confession

On Monday, working days, the weather is getting clearer and clearer.

As soon as the sun shines in, a person's mood will improve. She and Zhou Jingze are about to settle down, and everything seems to be moving in a good direction.

While Xu Sui was in the office sorting out documents, the nurse knocked on her door and said with a smile:

"Doctor Xu, Director Zhang from our surgical department is looking for you."

Xu Sui's finger just stopped on the page, he moved for a while and nodded: "Okay."

The nurse walked by, Xu Sui put down his work and walked to the director's office with his hands in his pockets, freeing his hands to knock on the door.

A gentle male voice came from inside: "Come in."

Xu Sui pushed his hand away and walked in. He stopped on the doorknob, and said with a smile: "Teacher, I heard that you are looking for me."

"Come on, sit down." Director Zhang raised his finger to the seat in front of him.

Xu Sui nodded, walked over and pulled the chair to sit down.

Director Zhang put down the thermos cup in his hand and took out a medical record from the side.

"Are you still unaware of the patient you are about to take over. The dean personally received him. He and the patient's family recommended you. After all, surgical removal of gallbladder malignant tumors is your specialty." Director Zhang told her with a smile on his face. .

Xu Sui took the medical record and looked at ten lines. He saw that the patient's previous case was diagnosed as gallbladder malignant tumor. It was not too late to find out. The risk is that the patient is older and has three highs.

Still a disabled person.

Xu Sui's eyelids moved, and a bad premonition slowly formed in his heart.

A pair of apricot eyes swept to the top of the medical record, and the patient column was impressively written: Song Fangzhang.

The pupils suddenly tightened, fingertips grabbed a corner of the case paper, her fingernails turned white, and the expression on her face was dazed.

She couldn't hear clearly what the director said beside her, her ears buzzed and her tinnitus rang, and she fell into a sad mood.

After a long time, Xu Suicai walked out of that emotion, her eyes were blank, and it took a long while to focus, Director Zhang, who was planning to talk, said in a calm voice:

"Sorry, teacher, I can't take this operation."

Director Zhang choked in his throat, did not respond, and frowned subconsciously. He had been in the doctor for decades. He had never seen any big winds and waves. It is very rare for doctors to reject patients.

What's more, the other party is Xu Sui, she is young and courageous, and needs more surgical experience to accumulate.

"Naughty, how can the doctor refuse to treat the patient?!" The expression on Director Zhang's face is not very good.

Xu Sui's lip color was a bit whitish, her throat tightened for a while, struggling to organize her language:

"I have my own personal reasons."

Director Zhang became even more angry when he heard these words. He seldom said heavy words, with high hopes and expectations in his tone:

"You can't play your temper if you choose this profession. The job of a doctor is to save the dying and heal the wounded, and be compassionate. Besides, do you want to comment on your professional title in the future? An operation is an experience. The teacher hopes that you can always progress……"

Xu Suishi pulled the chair away and stood up. The foot of the stool rubbed the ground and made a sharp and piercing sound. She bowed to Director Zhang, and the corner of her lips barely lifted a smile:

"I still refuse."

After speaking, Xu Sui left the office without looking back.

When eating in the cafeteria at noon, Xu Sui had no appetite looking at the brightly colored dishes on the plate.

Thinking of going to work in the afternoon, Xu Sui squeezed in a few bites of food, but his mind flashed past the name in the morning medical record book.

There was nausea in his stomach, Xu Sui put down his knife and fork, covering his mouth and hurriedly ran towards the toilet.

Xu Sui retched into the toilet for a few minutes in the toilet. The blood in his head was rushing down, his eyes were acidic, and the tear glands were stimulated and tears were shed.

It's really disgusting.

After vomiting, Xu Sui walked to the sink, turned on the faucet, and flushed down with white water.

She reached out and took a handful of cold water and threw it on her face, her cheeks were frozen suddenly, numb and unconscious.

Xu Sui's eyelashes were so sticky that she couldn't open her eyes. She lay her head sideways on the washing hand, staring at the white woven lamp on the ceiling in a daze.

With a "ding", the phone in his pocket made a sound, and Xu Sui took it out to see that it was a message from Zhou Jingze.

[I will pick you up after you get off work, do you have anything you want to eat, huh? 】

When Zhou Jingze sent this message, he was sitting in the office of Mr. Gu, the controller during his college years.

Old Gu saw him looking straight at the phone, and the corners of his lips turned up unconsciously, and asked:

"You kid, are you texting with your girlfriend?"

Zhou Jingze turned off the screen of the phone and smiled unconsciously: "Yes, you have seen her, her name is Xu Sui."

"Oh, I've seen it?" Old Gu thought about it seriously.

Zhou Jingze chuckled and recalled something, and said, "That was the time when I was in the university and Gao Yang Flying Technology, you bet with Instructor Zhang, didn't you bet me to win me? In the end, you gave me the 200 yuan as a prize for the competition. ."

"I bought her candy."

Old Gu suddenly realized that he held his finger and pointed at him: "You kid--"

Zhou Jingze sat there laughing and continued to chat with the teacher.

Finally, when he picked up the cigarette and lighter on the coffee table to leave, Old Gu stopped him.

"Think about what I said, the sky still belongs to you."

Zhou Jingze unconsciously squeezed the cigarette case with his fingers, and smiled at him:

"Thank you, I will consider it carefully."

Xu Sui had a fragmented dream during his lunch break in the office.

In the dream, she was still in junior high school in Li Ying. She was kept at home by her mother on weekends. She was not allowed to go out or watch TV. She could only sit by the small window and do homework.

Song Zhishu brought a group of girls to the downstairs of her house, threw stones at the window of her room, and laughed at the same time:

"The murderer's daughter!"

"Why don't you go to **** with your dad!"

Xu Sui hid under the corner of the table, hugging her knees, trying to put herself in a safe position, she muttered to herself:

"My dad is not."

"My dad is a good person."

...

Finally, Xu's follower woke up from the nightmare and let out a cold sweat.

Before seeing the doctor in the afternoon, Xu Sui reorganized his emotions and put his thoughts into work.

When the wall clock on the wall pointed to almost six o'clock, Xu Sui glanced at the appointment number on the computer screen, and it was gone.

Xu Sui threw the pen aside, raised his hand and pressed his eyebrows, picked up the cup on the side and stood up to move his muscles and bones.

There was a rhythmic knock on the door, and Xu Suizheng raised his hand to break his stiff neck in a gentle voice:

"Enter."

The doorknob turned forward, making a "click" sound, and someone walked in.

Xu Sui just put down the cup. She thought it was a colleague or a leader, and subconsciously raised her eyes. When she saw the incoming person clearly, her smile froze in her mouth.

Song Zhishu was wearing a white fluffy coat, high-boot jeans, and a commuter bag slung on his elbow. Under his exquisite makeup, he had a haggard smile.

"It's been a long time, Xu Sui." Song Zhishu took the initiative to show his favor.

Xu Sui's fingers pinched the handle of the spoon and lowered his eyes, with a cold voice: "I'm off work. If I go out to see a doctor, I will turn right."

She didn't even bother to deal with it.

Xu Sui took off her white lab coat, hung it on the hanger, put on her coat, picked up the scarf, and stuffed her glasses into her bag. Before leaving, she deliberately opened the window for ventilation.

A large area of ​​cold air poured in, and Song Zhishu stood there and shrank his shoulders.

Xu Sui put his hands in his pockets, did not look at Song Zhishu the whole time, looked at her like air, and wiped her shoulders.

"I'm here today... to apologize to you," Song Zhishu sucked his nose, tired under his eyelids, "I'm really sorry for the harm our family has done to you."

Xu Sui paused and looked back at her with a calm voice:

"I don't accept your apology."

After that, Xu Sui walked out. She had just walked out of the corridor less than ten steps, and Song Zhishu stepped on high heels from behind to catch up.

Song Zhishu grabbed her hand in a loud voice, "I heard that today I heard that you rejected my dad's operation. Will your doctor bring up personal emotions when you go to the operating table?"

"If you are because of the harm that I caused to you before, I apologize to you, but it's no good... I'll kneel down to you," Song Zhishu grabbed her hand, tears streaming out, "My dad... is alive. Life."

Xu Sui Wenyan withdrew his hand, looked at her with calm eyes, and said with blood:

"Then my dad... Isn't my dad's fate a fate?"

At the same time Xu Sui withdrew her hand, Song Zhishu lost support and fell to the ground. She hurriedly grabbed Xu Sui's sleeve to prevent her from leaving.

Song Zhishu's strength was so great that Xu Sui couldn't get rid of it. As he pulled and pulled, more and more patients were onlookers.

People who didn't know thought Xu Sui was embarrassing the patient.

Song Zhishu grabbed Xu Sui's hand to keep people from leaving, Xu Sui was angry and embarrassed.

Suddenly, an oppressive shadow fell, and a strong hand separated the hands of the two. Zhou Jingze took Xu Sui the man behind him, looked at the woman sitting on the ground condescendingly, and slowly spoke:

"Don't rely on the disadvantaged position of being a patient or a patient's family member, you can do whatever you want."

Zhou Jingze held the phone in the other hand and looked up at Xu Sui:

"What about the security measures in your hospital, do you want to call the police?"

"Forget it, let's go." Xu Sui shook his head, pulling Zhou Jingze away.

In the car, Xu Sui was sitting in the co-pilot, obviously in a depressed mood, and had not spoken.

"Do you want to say?" Zhou Jingze raised his hand and touched her cheek, and said, "If you don't want to say it, eat something first."

"Pineapple buns or frosted hawthorn?"

The person you like is gentle with you, and the grievances in your heart will be magnified.

Xu Sui raised his eyes to Zhou Jingze, with a very soft voice: "I don't know if I did something wrong. The man who was just in the hospital, her dad was going to have an operation, I refused."

"My dad saved her dad's life back then, but they were not grateful, but they also said that my dad was negligent, saying that I was the murderer's daughter." Xu Sui's lips burst into a wry smile.

When Xu's father was on the mission, he died in the fire because of an accident.

At that time, a fire broke out in the Liying Chengbei Chemical Plant, and the fire brigade rushed to rescue them. When they arrived, the fire house licked the corner of the wall and ignited a raging fire.

The screams and piercing sounds mixed together. Xu's father rushed back and forth into the fire, saving four or five people.

The last person Xu's father hurried to save was Song Fangzhang. At that time, he was already exhausted and still supported his body, carrying Song Fangzhang on his back.

When he reached the front door, Xu's father staggered to the ground, Song Fangzhang on his back was also thrown to the ground.

Who knows, the beam of the house suddenly collapsed, right in the middle of Song Fangzhang's thigh.

Song Fangzhang let out a heartbreaking scream, Xu's father moved over, dragged the person out with his bare hands, and helped him out again.

This time he paid attention everywhere. When he was about to leave, the fire spread rapidly. Xu's father realized that something was wrong and pushed the person out.

The building collapsed suddenly, and Xu's father stayed in the fire forever.

At that time, Xu Sui was just in the third year of junior high school, and his father said that he had bought birthday presents one by one for him before leaving the assignment.

The result never came back the next day.

The whole family was sadly lost in the grief of their loved ones. While comforting her, the people around them secretly bound her with emotions:

"Your mother will be alone in the future, and you must listen to her."

Xu Sui nodded, and promised in his heart that he would be a good daughter of his mother.

But things were not so simple. When Xu went back to school after the funeral, she found that the eyes of everyone around her had changed.

She was isolated.

Xu Sui didn't say anything, and silently endured all this. While she was sitting at her desk writing homework, Song Zhishu suddenly rushed over, ripped off her homework book, and cried loudly:

"My dad has become disabled! Why did your dad neglect his duty, carry him out and throw him to the ground."

"You are now the daughter of a martyr, and you can receive a pension. What about my family? My whole family is supported by my father alone. What about our family now?"

"I blame you, your dad is also worthy of being a firefighter, so I am ashamed to say sacrifice!"

"But I don't have a father anymore." Xu Sui said softly, and she shed a tear.

As a result, Song Zhishu gave her a resounding slap in the face.

Then Xu Sui ushered in school violence that lasted for a year and a half.

She has a soft personality and a good temper. Song Zhishu expected that Xu would lead her classmates to bully her without complaining.

At that time, the basic three views of adolescent children had not yet formed. They grew up in a small town, both simple and brutal.

They tried Xu Sui together with Song Zhishu, not that they wanted to distinguish between right and wrong.

But simply enjoy the pleasure of trying a person.

Xu Sui often received dead toads in the drawer, or the workbook was stuck with chewing gum, and was locked up when going to the toilet. The mop water wetted her whole body.

At first she would scream and cry with fright, then slowly became numb.

Xu's mother only learned about this when she received a report from a young intern teacher in the first half of the first semester of high school.

She ran to school to make a fuss and pressed Song Zhishu's head to force her to apologize.

In the end, Xu's mother made a big fuss about this matter with his tough attitude.

Xu's mother sent people to North Beijing for Xu Sui's mental health and learning environment.

This was Xu Sui's first transfer.

Because of the long period of pressure, Xu Sui was very inferior, and his set of values ​​gradually swayed.

At that time, she often walked with her head down and even a little hunched back, for fear that others would notice her and point her.

Meeting Zhou Jingze on the day of transfer was the first kindness she received.

At that time, Xu Suigang turned into the sky, sick, gloomy, and gloomy. Wearing a pale skirt, he quickly passed by on the stage to introduce himself.

I'm afraid that the people here are the same as Li Ying's.

Laugh at her, talk about her, look at her with strange eyes.

Although this didn't happen that day, no one in the class took care of her, and they all ignored her.

Xu Sui was cramped and frustrated to the extreme.

Only Zhou Jingze.

Wearing a black t-shirt and a loose school uniform jacket, the teenager turned a basketball in his hand, stood in front of her against the light, and asked her if she had no stool.

He also ran up and down five floors for her and found Xu Sui a new stool.

The cicadas cried enthusiastically, and large swaths of light poured in.

When the wind blew, the boy rushed to play, his eyes hurriedly passed her, and he picked the corner of his lips and nodded in a friendly way.

He became her light.

Until she went to university, Xu Sui adopted 1017. Hu Qianxi asked her why. She said that animals are more grateful than people.

So when he saw Li Hao mocking her dad as a martyr in college, Xu Suihui showed a sting.

Her dad obviously tried his best to save people.

After she came out to work, she worked hard to be excellent and conscientious, thinking that fulfilling her own responsibility at the job was enough. The instructor kept saying that she did not have the compassion to be a doctor.

The emotions that Xu Sui said had been suppressed for many years finally couldn't help it, and the whole person broke down and cried:

"What the **** is going on in this world, so that I can't tell if it's good or bad."

For so many years, his father didn't even have a bouquet of flowers from the Song family at his grave.

Xu Sui sat in the co-pilot, holding his face in his hands, tears constantly falling from the gap.

Zhou Jingze lowered his head, slid his thumb, wiped her tears, and hugged her into his arms:

"Listen to me, no one is qualified to forgive them for you."

"But most of it is good. The takeaway I met the day before yesterday delivered a piece of noodles. The soup was spilled halfway. He broke down and cried, fearing that customers would give bad reviews. At three in the morning, he tried his best to top it. I rushed back in the cold wind, and planned to buy another compensation for the customer. The boss gave him a waiver. He said-this winter is not easy for everyone, let's get through it together."

"Don't even I have encountered unfair industry treatment, have I been framed by brothers like brothers?" Zhou Jingze teased his lips.

"Assaults occur every 10,000 minutes in this world, and children are abused every day, but there are also people who are willing to cheer on strangers and stand by their posts to save every life, such as you." Zhou Jingze pulled the person away from his arms. Look at her.

"We only encountered one in ten thousand misfortune, but the world is still good."

Zhou Jingze's voice was slow, and at the same time she didn't know where something changed, fingers clasped her chin, knuckles stroking her lips, and stuffed it in.

Xu Sui touched the tip of his tongue, and his coat melted in an instant, and the sweetness slowly diffused between his lips and teeth, all of a sudden diminishing the bitterness in his heart.

He gave her a candy.

Xu Sui looked up at him in the misty eyes of tears, Zhou Jingze pinched her nose and smiled lightly, the sincerity in his eyes was obvious:

"Grandpa often said that we are alive, keeping our principles and original intentions. Not to change the world, but to prevent the world from changing us."

The opposite of good is evil, which exists interactively. Life is like a coin thrown by God at will. It does not turn to which side or which side, but which side you choose to be.

The coin is always in your palm, and the limit of your life game is up to you.